Our Greatest Fear.

"Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate,
but that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us.

We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant,
gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us.
It is not just in some; it is in everyone.
And, as we let our own light shine,
we consciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our fear,
our presence automatically liberates others."

 

                                                                   -Marianne Williamson

 

 



The more I think about it, the more I wonder; are our fears really rational? I guess there is a difference between being afraid of drowning, and being afraid of clowns. Clowns won't kill you, so why are people afraid of them?

I can't be a hypocrite, though. I have a lot of fears. Some rational, most irrational. Somebody asked me the other day, "What are you afraid of, anyways?" Well, I'm afraid of a lot. And since then I've been picking my brain on all the things that scare me, and why.

I guess the first thing I'm afraid of is small spaces. I'm claustrophobic. Seriously claustrophobic. I'm getting use to the elevator in my dorm though. Slowly.. I'm also seriously afraid of being buried alive. No, I'm not afraid of death, I'm afraid of suffocation, and being held down. Screw that.

The other thing is of course, commitment. Anyone who knows me can say that I'm ridiculously indecisive. Yea, I know, it doesn't make sense to you, let me explain. I've been in any kinda of relationship situation you can think of. Lied to, cheated on, used, etc.. (The list gets worse, no need to share too personal of a subject though.) And I guess why I'm so indecisive is because I'm afraid if I choose one thing, I won't be happy and regret it. I know it sounds silly considering it's just everyday things I buy, but hear me out here.

Anyways.. I just don't want to put myself out there again and end up with some total douche bag who think its okay to hit girls and not let me do what I want, ever. (for the third time..) I just don't want to waste time with something I know isn't going to work out. I'm not stupid, I know how these things end up.

Oh well, things happen. People change. I grew up. Who knows, maybe the person I'm seeing now will actually turn out to be someone who is actually worth it.


Fingers crossed.